Goodness of God

 Fair warning:  This post is raw and unfiltered.

There's a song by Jen Johnson of Bethel Music called Goodness of God.  Every time I hear it, the chorus gets me, because of my childhood.

I really want to zero in on the first verse and the chorus:

Lyrics removed due to copyright restrictions.  They should not have been included in the first place.

I struggle with that.  Was God REALLY faithful during my childhood?  Through the abuse and the bullying?  Was God really holding me in His hands, through all of that, and so much more?

Let me answer those questions like this:

back in June, I was asking a pastor friend about God's goodness in my childhood.  He told me that God weeps with me.

One day this past October I was stuck on that song again, so I went back and read those messages and as I was sitting there, God pointed me at Ecclesiastes 3.  Here....   

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

And now I'm stuck on it in a good way.  Meditating on the fact that there is a time for suffering.  And knowing God's promise to be with me in it.  Y'know what...  this is a journey, and I want to walk it.  To find a new perspective on who God is.  Not the God preached in mainline evangelical churches, but the God of the Bible.  The God who walks with me in joy and sorrow.